On Saturday I had a rare opportunity to just lounge on the couch and scroll through my Facebook newsfeed. There were a lot of rainbows profile pictures thanks to the Supreme Court ruling in favor of same-sex marriages nationwide. But through the light of the rainbows I stumbled upon an article that really made me stop and think. The article was entitled “A Thank You Letter to the Men Who Didn’t Have the Balls to Claim Me” and was on the Elephant Journal website – one of my faves. Of course, it caught my eye. I mean look at that headline! Having been through a couple of divorces before ultimately founding McLaughland I was intrigued.

This is a great read. Kate Rose truly captured my attention with her reflection. For my friends and family who have loved and lost you need to read this.

When I first met Brian I was married. A month or so after we became friends the unthinkable happened – my husband left me for another woman. Although our marriage had been floundering for awhile his sudden departure was still unexpected (although the cause was not).  My dear friend, Cameron, said that someone “shook up my snowglobe” when my ex left. He wasn’t kidding.

I will never forget coming back to work a week after his departure. Seeing everyone was more than I was ready to bare. I lost it when Brian came by – a flood of tears escaped. So, I went home. Clearly I was not ready to go back to work. I decided to focus on me. I took up yoga, with my friend Jill. Jill turned out to be my savior. She got me to eat again; although minimally. But, most importantly I started to be me again. For the first time in my life I started to think of myself and what I wanted. For the first time in my life I wasn’t worried about anyone; I completely focused on myself. Brian turned out to be a great friend during this period – not to mention a complete gentleman (unlike some of my other “friends”). I learned a lot of about myself. I got some much needed time alone. I remembered the parts of myself that I had forgotten about because my focus had turned so much on everyone else.

One part of this article that hit home the most was this:

“Thank you for helping make me into the strong confident woman that I am today.

Even though at the time it is never easy, I am simply so grateful that you never loved me enough. We never love the same way twice, and while I know in your own way you did love me, it wasn’t the kind that could keep me warm on a blustery winter’s eve. Thank you for showing me that I don’t want someone to be only half in love with me, or to merely appreciate me—but to leave them breathless.”

I truly believe that the strength others see in me is a direct result of everything that I have been through in my life. The scars on my heart, in my head and on my body are what make me who I am. And, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t regret all that has happened to me because if it hadn’t my path to today would be very different. Instead I appreciate the road I have traveled and the man that has my heart today. And because of everything I have been through and everything that I have shared with him I know he will be by my side forever. Because I know what it’s like to not be loved enough I also know what it’s like to be loved completely. Had I not experienced the pains of my past I would not fully appreciate the present with the man that has my whole heart.

We all have a different definition of love. May you all find everything you are looking for, need and want out of love. But, never, ever forget to give love. Because love always wins.